Transformation Frustrations

Since I started this blog, many of my posts have been about celebrating my achievements and maintaining optimism. I'm going to level with y'all. This ongoing transformation process has been HARD. It's not always sunshine and rainbows - though the sunshine and rainbows usually peek through right when I need them.

I started on this (what I believe is final) journey to better health through weight loss nearly five months ago with a visit to the doctor for my annual physical - and to talk about bariatric surgery options. My doctor is a former Olympic-trained gymnast, and she wouldn't even broach the subject with me. She told me I needed to try harder on my own to lose weight by changing my diet and exercising more, and that she believed I could do it. So far, I have to admit she was right. I just didn't know I had it in me.

I want to take this opportunity to share some frustrations I've had throughout the process. Mind you, I'm still plugging along on the journey, but these are things I've recognized thus far. Maybe you've been trying to lose weight or maybe you know someone else who can use this reality check. Here we go...

1. The numbers on the scale don't decrease fast enough. Confession: I've struggled with an unhealthy relationship with my scale. Those numbers hold power over me sometimes. Your value and ability is not predicted by the numbers on the scale. Pound for pound, muscle and fat weigh the same, but muscle takes up less volume. Even if the weight isn't going down, I know all of the squats, clean and jerks, kettlebell swings, wall balls, ring rows, rowing, thrusters, etc., aren't for naught.
2. It's possible to stop losing weight (and even gain weight) if you're not eating ENOUGH. This defied all logic for me. Eat less = weigh less, right? Kind of. It's more about eating the right things, in the right quantities, for the work your body is doing on a daily basis. If you're just starting out with weight loss and aren't following something like Paleo or The Zone, use a calorie counter and be honest about your quantities. You'll be amazed at how much healthy food you can eat for 1300-1500 calories (not a recommendation - just an example). According to my doctor, eating less than 1200 calories a day can send your body into starvation mode, which occurs when your body begins storing calories instead of burning them - survival mode.
3. Success requires getting rid of your triggers - food-wise and emotionally. Whether it's plantain chips or ice cream, or a "friend" who makes you feel inferior, the negative influences or crutches will cause you to struggle. Transformation is a 360-degree process. You have far more to gain from losing the weight.
4. Wardrobe shrinkage. I had a huge wardrobe in sizes 20-24. Now, I'm down to probably 15 total dresses/pants/shorts/tops that I can wear without looking frumpy. This a huge deal to me. Anyone who knows me knows that I love clothing and accessories, and to me, the more, the merrier in my closet. EVEN MY SHOES ARE TOO BIG. Thanks to a great friend, I've discovered the beauty of shopping the sales and shopping at Clothes Mentor (and trying everything on. Huge deal for me.)
5. Feeling successful and not getting the reactions. I know, it's petty, but I hate working so hard without the reaction. I wish the process wasn't so public sometimes - kind of like those crazy weight loss shows - so that I could see more drastic reactions to losing 45 lbs (so far) and getting my muscle definition started. This week finally seemed to be the time that people took notice of the changes to my body, and I was ecstatic and encouraged by their comments. I know I sound very egotistical...oops.
6. Not being able to work out when I want to, all the time. Of course this wasn't how I was feeling back through about March, but now I get upset when work gets in the way, or if I have to travel, or if I have something come up on my schedule that causes me to miss a WOD. Working out - constantly challenging myself - has become a habit and a part of who I am. So, I make time to work out 4-6 times a week.
7. The continued lack of attention from men. I know this sounds silly, crazy and utterly sad, but what does a woman need to do to get a date these days? I've been alone for almost a year and a half. I know I don't have a smokin' hot bod quite yet, but I did locate a six-pack the other day...to be revealed later this year (if all continues to go well)...and I am smart and funny. I also like to think that I'm kind of pretty. That is all. (P.S., any advice?)
8. Feeling "blah" after enjoying a few old "friends." And by friends I mean anything that contains gluten/grain, dairy products, or sugar. Temporary joy now equals temporary agony in the form of bloating, swelling, headaches, and/or gastrointestinal issues.
9. My name is Lauren. Not Laura. (This has nothing to do with weight loss but I decided to vent anyway...)
10. I don't look the same. Not that it's a problem, but it is kind of frustrating to look back at old pictures (just wait for the Throwback Thursday this week) and realize I could have looked so much better - and felt so much better - many years ago if I had only taken control sooner.

Have I told you before that I'm a list person? It's genetic, and therapeutic. Thanks for letting me share with you!

To close...a thought from A.A. Milne via Christopher Robin (such a philosopher, that guy) that became my theme for 2013-2014: